I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
