I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
