One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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