Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
