I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
