I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
