did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Sponge bath it is.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
