All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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