You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
