When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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