My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
