Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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