you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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