i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
