I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
