i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
