so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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