Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
