He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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