Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
