I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
