I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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