DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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