When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
