I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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