I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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