you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I think people are normalizing furries
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
