Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
