so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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