Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
