I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
