I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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