Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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