Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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