no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
