Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
