So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
