So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
