i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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