Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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