You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
