So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
