apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
