I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
