mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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