I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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