I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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