Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm really into asian looking animals
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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