im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
