Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
