mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
