dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
